March 09, 2006


It's a daily part of life in Holland for the pedestrian.

Your walking style changes, you're constantly on the lookout for these unpleasant types and fearful for walking into the wrong place. I think I've gotten a permanent crooked back thanks to them and no longer walk around town in blissful ignorance. They're hiding around corners, lying under seats, leaning against lamp-posts and just generally under foot. They even occasionally menace you in the crowds of a shopping mall - everywhere you go you're potentially under attack. That's right..

Barkers' eggs
Dogs logs
Fido faeces
Dog ordure
Puppy plop

Dog shit.

All over the streets in this country, les turds du chiens are menacing the streets, lying innocently in wait like trapdoor spiders, ready to bite at you as soon as your foot gets too close. It seems when a Dutch dog lays a cable in the footpath, or crimps a length off on the pedestrian crossing, their owner feels that they are no longer obliged to doing anything with it. These canine coprolites become public domain once released, and to disturb a freshly laid cake is the last thing on their mind. I've even spotted several brown hornets in the main walkway of Utrecht's biggest shopping mall!

So as a result, various telltale textures regularly adorn the streets in various vintages, from still-steaming (in this cold, they do steam) to those with a visible inverse-Nike logo stamped upon them. And whenever I see a dog grow another tail, I just know the owner will walk away empty handed.

Nearby there are two large labradors that regularly get walked by their owner. They're usually just coming out for their walk when I see them. Judging by their size and knowing how big apartments are in Utrecht, I figure the dogs have their own apartment. And they're probably very big bombers. But I've never caught them in the act of fertilising the pavement, they were just prime suspects.

But yesterday I saw something amazing. On the way to work I see the old guy coming out of the dogs' apartments for their morning walk, leash in hand. As I'm approaching from a distance, I spot one of them making room for lunch. Er one of the dogs, not the owner... So I'm thinking "Aha! Caught red handed brown arsed!" and prepare some suitable scolding for the owner for giving me a hunch-back. When suddenly...out comes a scooper and the brown bandit is whisked up off the street, before I even have time to scowl! Unbelievable! That's got to be the first time I've ever seen this happen in Holland. I'm very very impressed and I almost thank the guy for thinking of the welfare of my shoes.

The quest for the mysterious culprits of the grunt sculptures goes on though..

Posted by Ben at March 9, 2006 09:15 PM
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